This is going to get a little emotional. You see, the very reason this article is being written this very moment is because I feel like the world has so many wrong notions of the way women’s actions are perceived by a majority of men. I should know, because I’ve been there one too many times already (I’ve actually just been in one shitty situation very recently.) I am not at all surprised to actually get the same results, but you see, I figured, I didn’t have to change who I am and how I treat people in general, regardless of gender.
The past 3 days, I feel like I’ve been living in quite a dearth of real things, real people, real stories, real friends, and real love. As Drake puts it, “I’ve been down so long, it look like up to me, they look up to me. I got fake people showin’ fake love to me, straight up to my face.”
You see, I am talking about this thing called the “Friendzone”. So many people glamorize this word as if it is something of relevance to the current world issues. It’s all over Facebook, it’s even typed on your screens right now. We’ve all heard of it. Maybe we’ve all even felt like we’ve been there too at one point in our lives, but just so we’re all on the same page here,
THE FRIENDZONE IS NOT REAL. IT IS BULLSHIT.
And in case you missed history, somebody (or probably even a lot of somebodies) had the gull to add the term “Friendzone” to the Oxford Dictionaries last year.
I just rolled my eyes so hard I could see my butt crack. Just the thought and fact that it is an actual word now sickens me. It has been defined in Oxford as an informal noun that refers to a “situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of who has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other”. I see it commonly used on my social circle and online social accounts by men more than women.
Sure, it is never a good feeling to be rejected. Let’s face it, being rejected is probably the worst feeling ever; especially if it was from someone you’ve set your sights on for quite a long time already. However, my friends, the FRIENDZONE IS NOT REAL. IT IS BULLSHIT.
Being rejected is an unfortunate life experience; it, in fact, shakes our individual sense of security, esteem and confidence and leads us to question why someone doesn’t like us back. But instead of letting any sense of self-confidence absorb or treat the rejection like a mature individual, we rationalize and justify it by coming up with a word for it. It is comforting, I guess, in a way, because instead of us having to accept that some people just won’t like us back in the same light, it places the blame on the person who has placed their rejections on us.
But here’s the thing: Stating that someone has categorized you in to the “Friendzone” or “claiming” or “suggesting” that someone is putting you and your feelings on a safe ground to keep you in confusion about what the real score is between the two of you implies that there’s some sort of obligation for them to fall in love with you or like you back in the same light in the first place. And just in case you haven’t realized it yet, nobody is under any obligation to reciprocate if you do not genuinely feel you want to reciprocate.
Attraction is not something you can blame someone for. Love is not something you can win. You’re not friend zoned because of your weight, hair, skin or dorky laugh. It’s not you and it’s not the person that put you there. It just is what it is, even if it sucks.
Girls who give you what so many people call the “friendzone” lines are simply not just attracted to you and do not want to have sex with you or date you, or just doesn’t see you romantically.
I know. Ouch.
And that, my friends, why the friend zone is nothing but complete and utter bullshit.
People have different approaches when they reject or turn people down. Some say a frank “YES” or “NO”, and there are some, who like me, do not have the heart to crush people to the ground and prefers to take the nicer route. Maybe that’s the reason why some people always hear a “yes” in my “no”. Meaning when I say, “I cannot give you what you want, but I still want you in my life,” weak men hear it and take it as, “I don’t want to commit, but I’ll flirt around with you!” and takes your naïve and nice personality for granted to make it look to people around you that you are actually entertaining them.
I would love to wake up to a world where everyone gets to walk away from the situations like this with their dignity intact. However, sometimes it is unavoidable that there are people who refuse to hear “no” unless it is presented as, “No. Never. Go away. I hate you. You suck. No! No! No! I never liked you like that!”
A girl who does think of you as a friend and doesn’t want to say to you, “No, I am in no way attracted to you,” and instead says, “It’s just that I see you as more of a friend”, only means she’s giving the situation some finality without having to make you feel shitty about it and she still doesn’t want to sleep with you.
I think, whether as a woman or a man, we should all be able to reject people we don’t really like without having to explain why we aren’t interested, then be able to sit back, and remain friends like a good sport without have to worry about it being used against you to other people.
I think it takes a man to accept and respect someone who rejects him. It takes balls to own up to people and tell them “I really like this girl but she just doesn’t see me like I see her and she just wants to remain friends” without having to twist and make it look like the girl is actually leading him on.
I know it hurts the ego so bad to admit that you’ve been put into the “friendzone” or admit to your guy friends that you were rejected. The fact that the person who rejected you still wants to remain friends with you (a whiny asshole who can’t take rejection), is amazing. I hope this won’t make you miss out on a rewarding and genuine friendship just because you wanted to, but couldn’t cry injustice for liking someone who doesn’t like you back in the same light.
There are people who like you a lot as a lover or as a plain friend, people who like you a little, and people who don’t like you at all. It is what is. And whether you accept you’ve been rejected, either nicely or frankly, it still does not entitle you to use her genuine intentions of not hurting you against her and make her look like a leading-on-slut who just didn’t want to commit to a relationship with you.
Because, really. You don’t do that to people.